What is your Totem?

It’s the little things. When I was a little girl, I swam in rivers and played Barbies in creeks. I broke my Easter duck Mitsy’s leg trying to help it, and my dad splinted it for $200 at the vet (cursing the whole while under his breath, but not letting me know until 20 years later). Life lessons were everywhere in nature. We had this 70s green electric company reader box outside our house. It hummed with significance, insinuating that the most horrifying power was hidden beneath a simple shell metal, breach-able (I’m sure) by the most subtle childhood act… not running a tree wheeler into it, mind you, but like, if I trip I’ll hit it, burst through and be electrocuted/fried like a fly in the summer window ledge. Crispy. Period. But Oh!, Oh the mystery of the ants which lived beneath this humming vortex of power. They, fearless and steadfast in nature, disappeared in orderly streams day and night beneath the electric mass above their home. How in the heck could they withstand that sound? This is where my fascination with ants began. For years I sat beside their stream–infinite numbers of teeny black scouts and workers marching their way to and fro, touching antenna in the most delicate kiss of information exchange. Did they say ‘I love you’ like I would? Or were they communicating complex coordinates, latitude longitude depth width height properties of challenges and food sources? I challenged them daily…built damns in their way, piled little sticks and twigs to throw them off their path. Not to harm, but to watch their problem solving capabilities…and steadfast and true was their journey always. They never lost their way. They always led each other around the obstacle with that little kiss. They communicated constantly, urging each other toward the common vision for their colony. They supported Oneness of Self in every move and breath and journey. They are my heroes. Ant as Totem. The tiny black ones which so many people try to kill. They are beautiful teachers. Last night at my favorite store (Dragonfly, Tacoma) of a favorite friend, I came across a little bracelet with a black ant inside. My totem has reintroduced itself to my world after given it nary a thought for years. I wonder, “what will you teach me now?” We shall see how Ant as Totem shall guide me onward through this electric hum vortex that is my life protected by the slightest shells….

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