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Be Careful, But Only in a Perverse Way

My contemplation today regarding painting (and life?), by Richard Diebenkorn…
“Be careful, but only in a perverse way.”

There is so much perversion; today I saw a baby cottontail trapped between two cars. Overwhelmed, frightened, he knew not where to turn. Then, sadly, his bright red blood spilling…, then green light ….Witnessing his crushed body twitch, I instantly cracked; cried, drove, shocked that I hadn’t screamed, “Stop!!!” before his immenint death. My husband’s generous, loving response (to my hysteria) as he held me weeping snot all over his shirt? “Robbi, my love. God wanted a bunny,” he said. The Perversion of the very idea. “God wanted a Bunny?”

Yet his words helped enormously. Yes, God must have wanted a bunny. My sniveling subsided. Creative perversion?

An innocent, overwhelmed animal crushed by the enormity of humanity’s creations. Cars. Me driving one. Blood on my hands. Perversion. My gold watch.  Bathing in gallons of water, while millions pray for an ounce to drink. Men dying daily in wars for oil. An artist’s focus on self fulfillment, and ‘making pretty things’….My very life is perverse. How else could I make art?

I carefully honor the physical likeness of my muse, yet pervert their image with Fauvist like jousts of paint on canvas. The very act of being an artist in a ‘civilized’ society is perverse. Gratuituous. Uncareful. The very act of my life is perverse. Yet, its also to Love. Animals. People. Community. PachaMama Earth…

Could I have saved that bunny? I don’t know…I don’t know. But I can reflect; hope to do more. “Be Careful, but only in a perverse way,”
I acknowledge the boundaries of ‘careful,’ then consciously implode/explode/erode/distress them with my own integral effect and experience.

And I pray for best outcome. And I pray for my sweet bunny. And my own crushed, bunny lovin’ heart. Helps to think of a God Dude sitting on High, snuggling his nose and white beard into a lil bunny he needed, gold throne, staff, choirs of angels and all… (Wait. Now THATS Perversion!) Till next time…

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