On Overwhelm

What am I meditating for? My life is hectic now. If I act as I profess, I wouldn’t even say these words. and true prayer, meditation, reflection, contemplation, (whatever your way) alleviates that. But here I go again with another day of overwhelm. Three portraits on my easel being finished simultaneously. I’ve returned to 3 quarters of full time school to complete my BFA. My home is being renovated (all floors torn up and no kitchen). I am far from peace. That said, I am incredibly grateful for the abundance all around me (received 27 calls on my birthday!), and yet I cannot get a grip! Six months ago, a friend invited me to Buddhist Sangha, and last night I finally stopped in. Sangha is the Buddhist practice of coming together to meditate. For an hour, we sat in silence-deep silence. With a strong man ‘holding the space,’ he brought us back from our thoughts continually. How turbulent my mind has become! Out of an hour, I had a total 12 seconds of almost quiet mind! Ground zero start-over guaranteed after breaking my spiritual practice. During the second hour, we listened to a CD on the Buddha’s instruction. (Paraphrasing) It was said that we would never find peace if we meditated/prayed for peace. Buddah said to pray for Connection to the Source. Connect to the source. Imagine that. These past two months I have been praying for balance, internal peace, time! Pray for time? Does Time want my prayers? What the heck was I thinking? All I have to do is sit, quite my mind as best I can, and FEEL the Spirit within me! Connection. In the philosophy/religion Science of Mind (I’ve just completed my License Practitioner training) the teaching is such: in prayer (I am IN prayer, AS the prayer), there are ‘steps’ one can use to connect… 1) Recognize Spirit is all there is. (whatever name you give it.) 2) Unify with this God. (I am of this God; of its substance.) 3) Realize my desire. (This is the fun one. State my desire, and feel that I have it, i.e. the teachings of the wildly popular and best selling book and movie, The Secret. You have to feel it with every sense; your participation in or with your desire.) 4) Thanksgiving. (Thanking God that it responds to my call. Thanking God for existing and being within me.) 5) Release. (Sometimes this is the most difficulty. You’ve really gotta let the prayer GO! TRUSTING that God’s gotcha covered, and has the power to create your dream within you. Its not an outside power either. You are releasing and trusting yourself, too.) This stuff is good, juicy teaching. I dig it enough to have studied through license. Now I’m off to Wisdom University to study more diverse paths. (After my full time BFA is complete (wish me luck)). I feel peaceful now. Thanks to that Sangha last night. Oh, and thanks to my doing the work to connect WITH my God, and not just appeal to it for my peace. God is my peace. How could I have forgotten? In the words of the great Homer Simpson, “Doik!”

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